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If you’re anything like me, you need privacy in the restroom. That is like my sanctuary inside of the home. No one is allowed in when occupied, and it better be clean. Anyway, this story isn’t about how clean you should keep your bathroom. It’s about when you have to use a toilet that’s not yours. It’s a guys. The guy you aren’t exactly with. The dude who still sees that butt as that ASS. The one who still makes fun of girl farts because of course, ladies don’t have gas. Gas is a myth. And taking a poop is unheard of….well more like the unaddressed.

As crafty ladies I say let’s keep up the charades. If you’re staying overnight, or for a weekend, hell even if you are in a relationship, why let him know what goes on in there?! Here is the only trick I know to help out if you really gotta go poo.

Ahead of time, turn the smallest room into a powder house. Fill it with fem products like perfumes, makeup and flatirons. He won’t suspect a thing. You’ve had too much Chipotle, the beans are really starting to set in, and the time has come for you to ummm…release. Don’t be ashamed. Excuse yourself with some bulls*** like ‘oh I have to freshen up!’. No harm, no further questions. Once you’re in it’s time to plug the irons then turn on the shower. Preferably a really warm, damn near steaming shower. I don’t know why, but heat from the irons and steam from the shower disguise scents and sounds! In the meantime, he’s completely clueless to what’s going on. And once you’re done you can literally keep your word and freshen up. Oh and look! All of your magic is right there in the bathroom to doll yourself up. But before you leave, make sure to spritz that b**** down! And come out looking like a star.